Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
