I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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