I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize