I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
