I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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