i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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