he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
