they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
