So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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