plz talk dirty to me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
