When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
