bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
