Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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