with your own penis?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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