I smell stomach acid.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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