I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
