It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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