So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
