We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
