So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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