Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
