ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
