Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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