let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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