I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize