i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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