One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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