Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
