just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
