Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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