I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
