its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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