Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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