they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
