The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
