WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize