Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
