3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
