mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
