theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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