dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
