Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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