the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
