I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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