I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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