I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is Oprah even human
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
