The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
