Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
