I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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