I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
