dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
