Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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