I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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