I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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