he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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