I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
