Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
