so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
