My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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