Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
