i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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