i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
