Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
